I find it very interesting this notion of “too soon” when it comes to matters of the heart. What does that really mean? Certainly there can’t possibly be some magic calendar one must follow that tells us when it is or isn’t time to get involved with another. We are all different people. The rate at which we heal is destined to be different for us all. If we subscribe to the belief that we never choose who we fall for, it must then follow that we don’t choose when either.
It’s no secret that I have met someone. And while I remain somewhat guarded with my heart, it has indeed been captured and if I’m to be completely honest… it feels really good. Does it somehow eliminate all my other issues? Does all the pain associated with the end of my marriage magically vanish as a result of my heart having been captured? Have I somehow lost the space in my heart for my wife? Do I suddenly lose that connection with my first wife, the mother of my children, because I’ve been given the gift of a connection with another? Not at all. I think I’d be kidding myself if I believed otherwise.
Even as the idea of nurturing a relationship while dealing with the dissolve of my marriage brings a new element into the paradigm, it’s not untenable. As long as I give the priority of my spirit to the care and feeding of “me” then all the other stuff is okay. Or at least it should be. And as long as I allow love to emerge and never “make” it happen, that is equally okay. Ultimately, if it were too soon, then it simply would not be happening.
My personal opinion is that the concept of “too soon” is in reality a defense mechanism we cooked up because we’re scared of opening our hearts. My mother used to say that love is the saddest emotion. I say that love is the most powerful force known to man. It has the strength to cause kings to step away from the throne and is something on which wars have started. To love another… to accept love from another means to expose our hearts. And in the wake of it having been injured, doing so is a frightening experience. So we protect it… we do what we can to avoid the fear. But to what end?
I am not willing to give up on the incredible feelings of joy and wonder and new discovery that come with love. I am not willing to dismiss the goodness because I’m afraid of my heart being injured again. Courage doesn’t mean an absence of fear… it means diving in, in spite of the fear. And when it comes to love… be brave, be bold and move ahead!
That’s all I’m saying…
As long as we are honest about our feelings it's, quite simply, never too soon.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I think about this in the same way. What rule is there that says I have to wait a certain amount of time before I get involved?
ReplyDeleteIf he bringe me a little happiness in the midst of all the darkness, who's to say it's not right? Thanks for posting this!