Memories....

There are things around us in our every day lives that trigger one memory or another. It can be anything; a certain shade of red, a street sign, a piece of fruit, a baseball cap, a song playing on the radio. And for me, I have found whenever I encounter any one of these, I am suddenly filled with mental images where I can see things as if they're happening around me in the present. Memories of the times when things were good. When we were happy. When we were together. I don't mean the opposite of apart, I mean really together, side-by-side.

And I can't help but feel a little nostalgic when faced with such memories. While I'm okay with our split, I can't help but miss the times we shared. The specific events aren't really the thing. It's more the fact that they represent a time when we were connected and living through life's experiences hand-in-hand... side-by-side. Hell, even in the most venomous of splits, one can't help but feel a tug at the heart when wrapped up in these remembrances.

Such was my afternoon. While looking through some old photos I ran through pictures of us during one of the many Christmases we had together. I can't tell which Christmas it was exactly, but it doesn't really matter. What matters is I saw her... smiling. Another photo of us sitting. I had with my arms wrapped around her... smiling. Happy times. Together, family times.

Sadly... those times are gone.

I know what you're going to say, because it's one of the platitudes that I express to others; "Now you can make new memories." Or some such thing. And yes, that's true... I'll be making new memories. And each will be equally or maybe even more significant and indicative of happy times. But that does nothing to quell the resultant pang that comes with remembering past events. These memories at one time would have made me smile. Not today. Today its much different. Today they only make me sad.

I guess I'm not as okay as I thought.