The benefits of psychotherapy

While riding the proverbial emotional rollercoaster in the wake of my marital end, there have been numerous occasions where psychotherapy was suggested to me as a means of managing the turmoil. Along with that, there has also been suggestion of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. Many people have expressed the benefits of both in their own emotional journeys and have urged me to at very least, give them some consideration.  I have been resistant to it all. My reasoning has always been that (a) I do not want to be dependent on some drug as a means of dealing with my emotions and (b) the idea of therapy carries with it a stigma that I have thought would cause others to view me as a weak man. Which, as you may know, is something I simply cannot abide (I know, I know... it's something I'm still working on).

Confession time...

For several years I have been dealing with at times a profound depression. Brought about by a number of external influences, all with my marital woes at the core. For better than a couple years now, I have indeed been under the care of what I consider to be a dynamite therapist. And early in my treatment I did use anti-depressants. I'm happy to say that I'm no longer on the meds but I continue to see my therapist and will do so for as long as is necessary. I have not mentioned it until now because... well... I'm embarrassed at the need. I don't consider myself a weak man... in my natural state. However, I am all too aware that there are those who would consider me feeble if they knew this about me. Consequently it's been my dark little secret that I have kept from everyone except a select few of those closest to me... my inner circle, if you will. My own mother doesn't know... well I suppose she does now.

While this remains a source of embarrassment for me, in the context of my marital split it has also been an invaluable benefit. Though this would not have been the case had I not started treatment well before my separation. I met with a number of therapists and in each case there was something that simply didn’t click. I attribute this to a variety of reasons but the bottom line is we just didn’t jibe well. Consequently I went through a few before I met “D” (Remember… no names).

“D” for me is the perfect combination of clinical knowledge and human beingism. In fact she’s kind of a hippy. In the opening minutes of my first encounter with her I knew with complete certainty, she was the perfect fit for me. Her office smelled of incense, there were tie-dyed tapestries hanging from the walls, a statue of Buddha in her office. Excellent! Non-traditional! She is a no-nonsense person deeply driven by that which simply makes sense. And she has absolutely no problem telling me, with absolute clarity, when I've been an idiot, asshole or otherwise not a correct or good person. But she does so in a way that is never belittling or insulting or inflammatory. Yes, my time with her has proven to be one of the best things I've done for myself. And were it not for her, I dare say it, I'd be an even bigger emotional mess than I am currently.

So, why, if this is such a source of embarrassment for me would I discuss it in print? I wish I had a solid answer for that... it just feels like the right thing to do at this stage of the game. If you read my profile, you'll know that I consider myself a fairly basic man. Which is to say I am not so unique that the things I've been experiencing are unique to me. I believe with absolute conviction that there are others who have seen, felt, experienced, the same sort of emotional rubbish as I. And well... leaving this out of a blog intended to share and hopefully provide some level of solace for others, seems to be a disservice. And one of the things that has helped me in my own quest for equilibrium (emotionally speaking), is that I have been able to help others. Be it with a smile, hug, or just to let them know they aren't alone, that there is a definite and foreseeable end to all the pain. So while I am doing this for others, I also have completely and very selfish motivations. But as someone very close to me once said, human beings are never 100% altruistic. In any case, I share this now because it's a huge benefit and if you feel inclined, it just may be for you too.

Therapy, in spite of the stigma that it carries is a good thing. It helps as long as you give weight to two simple caveats; First make sure the therapist you choose is the right kind of human being measured by YOUR own standards. If you aren't comfortable, find another one. Trust me, they know that each person is different and they won't be insulted if you declare them "not right" for you. Secondly, be an enthusiastic and willing participant in your own therapy. These professionals are not a magic bullet. They are there to help YOU figure it out for yourself. Without your active involvement and honest desire, it'll never help and will only amount to a huge waste of time and money.

I'm speaking here from personal experience...