I wrote a poem

I moved out of “our” home a few weeks ago and it would seem I had left a few things behind. My wife (soon to be non-wife) was kind enough to have packed it up for me and had it in the garage for me to retrieve. Last night, in the wake of a bitter exchange she instructed me to pick it all up within a week otherwise it would simply be thrown away. I went there this morning.

I gathered several boxes of stuff without really looking at their contents. All I wanted to do was minimize the amount of time I had to be there. Upon returning home and after carrying it all inside I started the task of going through it with the intent of sorting and putting it all away. Included with some of my old tools and office stuff were a handful of items I though odd to have been included. It actually made me wonder if she really meant to pack it for me. And among those items was a single, very simple item that upon seeing it, just broke my heart…

It was the poem I had written and had read for her at our wedding. A year later, since year-one of marriage is represented by paper, I had it framed and presented it to her as a first anniversary present. It’s rather simple… cheap frame, printed on white paper. Certainly not a piece of art. But it was something that came directly from my heart. I read it and I’m overwhelmed. The words are descriptive of some of the very things that were lost somewhere along the way. How can that be when these were the very things on which our marriage was based? And what message am I to understand by her giving it back to me?

For your reading pleasure I have transcribed it here, word-for-heartfelt -word, as I had written it way back then. Note two things though; first it is a fairly accurate description of the two of us the evolution of our relationship. And secondly I am not a poet, so it may seem a bit corny.

Promises

Opposite beings from two separate places.
Come together from worlds vastly apart.
He is enthusiastic and immersed in the moment.
She is deeply pensive with a passion for art.

Her pursued her with tenacity. She allowed the pursuit.
A bond between them they would weld.
Love came quickly for him, yet cautiously for her.
In the end a relationship grew and unity held.

Now together in a world made safe by the two.
With each other they find solace.
United with a commitment most honest and true.
This unity solidified by their promise.

He promises to love her, cherish her, and honor her.
And respect her without condition.
He will stand by her and be supportive of her.
And remain faithful to her without restriction.

She will provide for him and place called home.
Where he may be emotionally revealed.
A home free of fear, or judgment, or reprisal.
Without slightest desire to be concealed.

Each promises to be the other’s fan and harshest critic.
Each will be a provider of strength and advocate of endowment.
Each will motivate, enliven, and inspire the other.
Most importantly, when energy is spent.

They will share their dreams and be open and honest.
They will be expressive every day.
They will honor respect and defend integrity.
And remain united in every possible way.

Together they will travel through life and caress every color.
And walk hand in hand to savor every hue.
They will fulfill the highest task of a bond between lovers.
That each should stand guard as protector of the two.

Each will be guardian of secrets, and loyal intimate.
Each will be the other’s best friend, and accomplice in life.
Each will be a vigorous hero, and unfailing lover.
Simply stated, they will be husband and wife.

This was my gift to her… why the hell did she simply toss it in a box filled with a bunch of just plain stuff? Is this what it’s all been reduced to? Has something that was so heartfelt become just “stuff?’ This one is very hard to take and causes me a massive setback in my personal healing. Was that the intent? To just make me hurt? I honestly don’t know but damn it… this is so not cool.