Professionally I have managed million dollar computer network builds, numerous technical projects that involved a great many people, resources, dollars, schedules, and very expensive equipment. I've managed risk and responded to many a crisis with level-headed ease. Can someone explain then, why I went through such hell to get my internet access set up at my new place? Or why I am incapable of stocking my kitchen with an appropriate list of staples? Or why I crumble at the thought of having to iron a shirt?
My head is going to explode!
Yesterday I spent far more money that I had anticipated in handling some of this transition stuff. I walked into the AAA office filled with anxiety and... I'll admit it... abject fear! What!? I'm an educated man... professional... with a history of managing large scale projects! Yet switching the auto club membership and insurance from us to me, proved to be the most daunting and seemingly untenable tasks known to man! I suffered the dreaded paralysis-by-analysis that I have counseled so many others against. And I was filled with such torment that I had to stop before actually going in and collect myself. Absolutely embarrassing!
When I got home, I knew I had to sit and work out a budget. Again, in my professional life this is simply one of the many things that I get done... with relative ease. Yet I delayed and found reason NOT to sit in front of my computer. I dreaded it and was filled with that same fretfulness that I experienced when walking into the auto club office. Holy crap! This isn't supposed to happen! This is supposed to be easy! It's just sitting and playing with numbers! Right! After much delaying I had to actually force myself into it. And of course in doing so I discovered that I had made a rookie scheduling blunder that now means I need to spend some time on the phone. Embarrassing!
In the end, after I finished with my new budget and after I organized my files I sat. And immediately realized I hadn't eaten, hadn't done the dishes that have been piling up, haven't done laundry, haven't gone grocery shopping, am running out of paper-products, and a whole list of other things that have been neglected. And I'm completely humiliated! I have this overwhelming urge to call or email my wife to meekly apologize. To apologize for taking all the things she did for granted. To let her know that I am a complete dolt who simply thought the towels were magically stocked in the linen cupboard all clean and smelling nice and folded all by themselves! Embarrassment.
So this seems to be yet a new and unanticipated challenge. One that I expect will manifest itself in a variety of yet unseen ways (like the fact that there are eight million credit card choices, none of which make any sense to me!). And I am again, embarrassed.
How is it that a smart and educated man such as myself could have been such an absolute idiot?
Papa, first of all if you need help with credit/credit card companies gimmie a call OR read Suzie Orman, she's great with that kind of stuff! My credit score went from reallllly bad to the 700's because of her! And also, you wouldn't believe the stuff you can learn to do on the internet now. Look up Wonder How To.com
ReplyDeleteMost of your "not knowing how to" comes from your own lack of confidence. Doing these things, such as ironing your shirt just right, will give you a new found confidence. Trust me, the first time I changed my own tired it took forever but I was very pleased with myself.
And dad, EVERYONE has these feelings sometime or another. Just because they don't talk or blog about it doesn't mean you're alone.
One last note, you and Kersten were a Team! Thats why you didn't do these things and its also why she is now having to do things she never did before either. Just think of yourself as a one man show now who has all the tools necessary for everyday tasks....AND STOP BEING EMBARRASSED DORK! =P
Karl,
ReplyDeleteGiven your ability to do your job well, you'll
find handling household tasks requires similar
skills. Expirience, planning, etc.
My wife left our home and I cannot think of
one instance where I found myself wondering how to deal
with a household situation.
We had gone through a bit of role reversal
over the past 1-2 years. But some things were
always mine to take care of: finances, cooking,
most of the laundry, making lunches and getting kids to school,
drs, etc, day to day tidying up, the yard, the vehicles, any household maint. Etc.
I worked in an enviorment where I had 7 mgrs and over
100 hourly employees and we handled well
over 60 million in product every year.
Both are learnable and I know you'll get
a handle on this sooner than you think.
Your blog did make me realize how little my wife
contributed to the day to day practical events
in our home.