Friends

When I was a little boy and mom would drag me to see someone who was sick and infirmed, she would always say, "You never know who your friends are until you're in the hospital." That, like so many other things mom taught me, has stuck with me. I take it seriously and whenever one of my friends ends up convalescing from whatever injury or malady, I make it a point to be there. And if, heaven forbid, I end up there myself I would hope my friends will do the same.

Analogously, whenever someone is experiencing an emotional injury, something that gnaws at their heart as though their entire world has collapsed, it's equally important that a true friend be there. If for nothing else but to simply sit in silence... together. Regrettably, one of the unfortunate side-effects of divorce is that friends somehow get divided-up along with the furniture, liabilities, and assets. I don't think that any friend consciously "chooses a side." Nor do I believe any "side" chooses the friend. It just happens and shakes out as it shakes out. Alternatively, some of them end up on no side and simply vanish. Nevertheless, I find it telling that in a time when I need my friends, when my emotions are raw, exposed and extremely fragile, I learn, quite unceremoniously, who they really are.

Is this a slam directed toward those who have seemingly vanished? Or is this praise and an issuance of heartfelt gratitude to those who have remained right here next to me? Neither really. Rather, it's just an open acknowledgement that I have been made aware of who is and who isn't, my real friend. I will say though, that along with the emotional upheaval with which I am dealing concerning the demise of my marriage, I am equally pained by those whom I believed - and would have defended - were my friends. I now understand the meaning of shallow superficiality. A lesson I wish I hadn't learned.

Those of you who have remained tirelessly at my side, tolerating the silliness and extremes of my emotions, self degradation, stupid decisions, and bad ideas, I am blessed to have you in my life and value it beyond measure. You all know who you are... there is no need to single anyone out. You have all demonstrated who my real friends are. And for that I will remain eternally and incredibly grateful.

Hmmm, it would seem this was a slam to those who have disappeared and a heartfelt thanks to those who haven't. Whodathunk...