Someone with whom I was, at one time, very close and currently lives just outside London, is sick and expected to pass at any time. He's my first wife's brother and for years has been battling a debilitating disease, MS. My adult kids are very close to their uncle. My daughter, who is traveling in Europe got word (she's on the call list) that the doctors are calling for his family and loved ones to be close. It would seem the end is near and she has postponed the next leg of her trip to Manchester in favor of being close to him and his daughter (my niece). My son, who lives with his family near Birmingham is also on his way. I'm saddened at his impending loss but must remain strong for my kids. Which in truth, causes me more pain owing to my inability to travel to England to be at their side.
The sadness I feel for the impending loss of a good man isn't really the primary thrust of this post. Rather, it's what I'm doing about the sadness and to whom I reached out for moral support. My wife. I know I'm not supposed to do that anymore. Not with her. But in a time like this I am hoping, with pretty much all of me, that she won't turn her shoulder away. I emailed her... apologized for the intrusion... shared what's going on... and closed by saying that she didn't need to respond, all I wanted was to share it with someone safe. I honestly hope she replies. Just to say she's sorry to hear it. Anything! I just have this need to know her heart has some compassion left for me. Even a little... something.
Response:
She replied... and had very kind words for me. She praised my kids for going to him. She acknowledged that my inability to be there will be hard and actually said that she has me in her thoughts... this is all I wanted... all that I needed. Even though I am in tears as I write this, today they are good tears. Once again, when it really counted... she came through for me. I'm so relieved...
AJ and I will be okay dad. You don't need to fret about not being here. Philip has known this has been coming for a while. Hopefully the doctors are wrong and he has more time but in truth, its the fact that he "knows" his time is close that burdens me. I can't imagine how he feels, and to try saddens me. I am glad your soon to be ex-wife was there for you but dad...You were right when you said you are not supposed to reach out to her. I apologize but it is neither healthy nor appropriate. You may have shared a lot and gone through much but honoring that is over. That is why you now live on your own. I will let you know what my plans are (as far as how long I intend on being at Uncle Phil's) once I know more. I love you, Bug xx
ReplyDeleteJess,
ReplyDelete1. I appreciate that you and your brother are okay. But I'm the dad and I get to feel like this. It comes with the terratory.
2. Just like your mother and I are and will always be connected, so will I be connected with my wife. Albeit for different reasons.
There are many places where it would indeed be appropriate for involvement. It goes with the terratory. So you're right but not quite so dogmatically. Now in this particular case... I'm torn about the appropriateness of my reaching out. Nevertheless, I did and in the end it was okay to have done so.
Daddy Loves you Baby!