Still frazzled

If you've been following along over the past few days you will see that the conditions under which I exist have changed dramatically. For the most part I've been traveling through my day-to-day life fairly well. Sure, there are always challenges and mistakes to be made but regardless, from an overall perspective things have been okay. Albeit constantly overshadowed by the sense that it's not really my life and rather one that I am only visiting. In the past few days however, I have gone from this happy-go-lucky life to a paradigm of absolute chaos. In a sense I feel like I am losing it... losing control. From the perspective of my heart, I can't seem to find the way to dig out. And it's really getting to me.
Posted this week:

• I let Depression Take Over
• Expectation vs. Actual
• An Interesting Piece of Business
• It's All Just Too Much
• Served

I have noticed however that I'm not breaking down and crying as much I did early on. Or with as much gusto. I still feel like the tears are just about to burst free, yet they seem to stay for the most part, at the ready but not yet visible. Nevertheless, I am at the moment akin to a lost child who desperately needs to be taken by the hand and lead through this world of indecision. I'm not used to feeling lost, weak, ambivalent.

While leaning on my wonderful lady, she reminded me of one of the mantras that I will typically cite when I'm the guy on which someone else leans; "Life will never give us a challenge that is beyond our ability to handle it." We are never faced with anything that is beyond our ken. What I find funny is I am damn good at giving advice and counsel to others, okay maybe not "damn" good but you know what I mean. Why is it that I am incapable of doing that for myself? Why do I need to be reminded by someone else of the very thing I tell others? As though it's a new piece of wisdom I never knew existed?

In any event, the overall feeling of complete chaos is NOT the way I want to live. What I need is solidity, consistency, predictability, and to have an outlook of life that is conducive to my actually enjoying it and more importantly, looking forward to it.