Today, I had the honor of an email exchange with her, and in that exchange I said it's time to get things going. Now, one would expect with my current mindset, given that I have gone from heart-break to anxiously awaiting the start of the divorce process, that I'd be relieved when it actually starts.
Her response to my statement was simple;
Karl,As I said, I have been anxious to have the process start. My rationale; the sooner it starts, the sooner it will be done. At this stage of things, I am actually quite motivated to simply be divorced so I can finally get my life out of limbo. So I can finally and openly enjoy all the goodness from the woman who has captured my heart. So I can do so without feeling as though I need to be careful of who sees me, or what my X2B might think. I can live and breathe as a man who is tied to no one in any material sense.
I filed 6 wks ago. If you haven't been served yet, it is imminent.
So can someone tell me why, after receiving what is supposed to be welcomed news that I am on the verge of tears? In spite of the fact that I want this now... in spite of the fact that I have been expecting it.. I am terribly sad. This actually hurts... deeply...
Her quote speaks volumes. How about just a tad of
ReplyDeleterespect and communication. She must be reading your
blog and is executing payback in this way. Regardless,
that's bullshit. Sounds like something my X2B would pull.
And yes, I get that it hurts. The finality is a big pill to swallow.
But we know we have to take that pill and force into our bodies
through which any orifice that it can fit. Treat this like the prostate
exam you have been putting off. And finally, focus on that
specific gift that has recently come into your life(and I don't mean me)
and thank your lucky stars that she's there.
I know you kno who I am.
@ Anon... yup I know who this is. And thanks man. I love the analogy to pills and prostrate exams. OY! In all seriousness though, this is indeed a tough thing for me. One that I am working on reconciling. I had an opportunity to chat about it with a good friend, who has a knack for helping me to see things in the right perspective.
ReplyDeleteI am a man who, on principal, has a very hard time dealing with what is now the failure of my second marriage. And while there may be things beyond my control, I am still the guy who gets hit right in his ego. In this case it would seem that my problem is exactly that. Even though I am finally at a point where I just want this whole damn thing to be done, it still impacts my ego. And while that is a personal trait I don't much like about myself, it is what it is. I just need to learn about when ego is ok and when it's not.