I just want it to be over

I have, at last, been fully engaged in the mechanical process of divorce. While it may be fortunate that we have a fairly cut and dry situation - No kids, very little over which to argue, etc. - it leaves me numb. All of it leaves me wishing the world would simply swallow me up so I don't have to deal with it any longer. Or at least swallow HER up (I know... that was a mean-spirited thing to say. And for that I apologize. But I just want it to go away!).

In the wonderful world of divorce, a response to anything must follow a rigid set of processes that include specific documents and disclosures followed by a sequence of actions that must be taken in a time sensitive fashion. This includes serving and filings in the appropriate manner with the appropriate courts. Mechanically that's pretty simple. Yet my having to actually go through the motions is what has me close to losing it. It all requires my concentration, time, and dollars!

One hassle after another has plagued me and thus prevents me from getting anything done with any sense of ease. I have to take time off work, fight Los Angeles traffic, battle state mandated furlough days and courthouse closures, make appearances in a variety of places for a variety of reasons. Each of which bring with it, it's own set of painful headaches. Add to this the need to remain focused on other things, and I have a recipe for absolute agony!

Agony... It's bad enough that she is asking for the ridiculously unreasonable, and that I have to deal with the emotional impact of this crap on an ongoing basis. I also have to figure out how to balance it all against obligations to work, family, self. I feel weak. As though one more thing will cause me to simply crumble. I just want it all to be over.