But - yes there's a "but" - while I love and respect those who would put their own "stuff" aside in the spirit of providing a shoulder and pair of ears to me, I also find that I have grown very tired of leaning on people. Or more accurately stated, I'm tired of HAVING to lean on people. I hate that this stupid separation/divorce thing dominates my thoughts, my heart, my life.
I have intentionally tried my best to back off. To stop crying on a friend's shoulder. To maneuver away from this being the one thing I talk about. My life is filled with all sorts of stuff. I ride a motorcycle and am immersed in the motorcycling culture, I enjoy wood-working (albeit beginner in my skill), I love writing, I have two incredible adult kids who have successes and failures of their own and I am right beside them, I have my work and my hobbies, I am enjoying wonderful experiences with a wonderful lady. Yet I seem to be incapable of sharing all this with those who are important to me in favor of boo-hoo'ing about my marital woes. It's gotten old and it frustrates me that a sensible man such as myself is incapable of steering away from it all.
I've also learned that there is a cost to "backing it off."
My dearest friend, "B", is a person with whom I chat a couple times each week is likely the single person on earth that knows just about everything there is to know about me. I have spent a lot of time leaning on "B" and have grown so tired of it that I have intentionally done my best to steer away from crying on her shoulder. She has expressed her concern that while I seem to be just fine when chatting with her, she learns by reading my blog that I'm not all that fine. She said, "How is it that you hold back from talking to me about these things yet have no problem putting it up on the internet?!" The message here is she should learn about me before the rest of the world does. In this context I agree.
My lady-friend has also experienced a similar event. In my post, Finally worried, I noted that I am worried about a lot of things. And she told me she had no idea I was going through that and expressed her concern that I have not talked about it with her. Again it's a case of sharing with the important people rather than them learning by reading something on the internet. And again, I agree.
So the need for balance is ever present. The important people in my life deserve to receive an elevated level of witness to my life. Yet those same people have lives of their own and things they themselves would like to share. It's important to me that I can share a variety of life experiences with them. Theirs and mine. So the order of the day, at least for the present moment, is balance.
AGreed. Balance is important. It's great having good friends you can lean on. But it has the potential of getting old if you do it too much or too often. You don't have to hide things... just keep it all blanced. Your friends will appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteJust my two cents.