Self discovery

Self discovery is a wonderful thing.

I have always viewed myself in a somewhat limited way. And I have always defended my view of myself without wavering in the least. Yet, in the aftermath of separation, and the resultant reinvention of myself, I have come to learn that my own perception of me is (a) inaccurate and (b) has always been inaccurate.

I have always considered myself to be a fairly superficial man. One without deep or profound thought. I avoid deep philosophical conversation and tend to shy away from having to take long and in-depth looks at myself. At least this is what I thought. I have come to learn however, that I am, and always have been a very deep and passionate person with staunch and inflexible philosophies. I have deep seeded values, things I was taught by all of the important people in my life, throughout my life. I'm an old-school man who believes in age-old traditions. And I hold onto them. I believe in God but abhor organized religion.

I am educated, well-spoken, have what I consider to be a strong moral code, try (though not always successful) to take the high road wherever I can, have never robbed a friend or intentionally caused harm to anyone. I'm a man who places the highest value on my family and will defend them to the death if necessary. And I define "family" to extend beyond blood. Those who become important to me will always be important to me even if I haven't spoken to them in years. I believe if you are never dishonest, you will never have to remember what you said. Yet my outward presentation is completely to the contrary and sometimes, I enjoy that. I typically present myself as one from "the other side of the tracks" yet at times am annoyed when someone makes snap judgments based on my appearance alone. And before you say it... I already know that I am the one who causes that.

And now, I have had yet another profound realization about the man I am and always have been. And I find it somewhat eye-opening. Specifically; I am and will likely always be a very liberal man. I like tattoos and body piercing. I have a slight bent toward the wild side of life, I enjoy a good party and the occasional night of debauchery with the boys. I drink, I smoke, I cuss like a sailor, I don't give a rat's ass if my kids end up with someone black, white, or green. Or find themselves in love with a man, woman, or one-legged Bohemian pigmy. I'd rather put my kids in a public school in a diverse region, rather than a private school where everyone looks the same. I represent myself as a "motorcycle enthusiast" but let's face it... I'm a biker. I get on my soap box about a number of social indices and at times do so quite angrily.

Yet I am exceedingly drawn to those who are humble and conservative in nature. Those who have a strong moral base, are educated, well-spoken, and model their lives by doing the "right thing" even when doing so is also the most difficult thing. If we are to be defined by the company we keep, I prefer to keep the company of decent, morally-correct, intelligent people who put their children and their parents first.

So the summary of this little discovery about myself is, I am by design, one from the "other side of the tracks" yet I prefer to surround myself by those who are from the "right side of the tracks." Which is why my closest friends and the lady with whom I am romantically involved are awesome people who are those that I am very proud to be around. And my kids... well, my kids are simply the best, morally correct, intelligent people a man could ever ask for.

Wow... I kind of went on a bit of a tangent didn't I?