The day is coming

I knew eventually I would have to meet face-to-face with my future ex-wife. And I knew that the prospect of doing so would be cause for a certain level of ill-feeling on my part. Well that face-to-face has been scheduled, prompted by her, for next week. And already I'm uneasy. The intelligent part of me knows, since she specifically requested a personal meeting that she is likely to be presenting me with something. Paperwork, a filing decree, some sort of official document that will finally start the process and make a meaningful move toward our eventual divorce. Maybe I'm being sued. She said that it's likely be on a ten or fifteen minute conversation. Which only reinforces my belief that her intent isn't really a conversation but to present me with something official.

Whatever it is, whatever the purpose for her need to have this meeting be face-to-face, I am left wondering. I have about eight million things running around in my head and I'm just a bit dizzy. She said that she wants to discuss, "our relative situations and futures." What the heck does that mean? I can express our relative situations and futures in the space of one sentence; We're getting divorced, life will be rough, we will survive and move on and into a life that is better for each of us. What else is there?

Whatever it is, I am now going to be moving through this week in a state of nervousness that I have grown to really hate. I'm not accustomed to the anticipation of something unpleasant. I remember when this whole dam separation thing started I was a wreck. I wasn't looking forward to being alone, of having to reinvent my life, or having to learn how to be okay with it being just me. Today it's much different. Today my only desire is to get through this divorce so I can finally move forward with my life. In spite of the fact that I am in my own place and living as I please, I still feel as though I'm trapped in a sort of limbo while awaiting the final and official dissolution of my marriage. And because of that, all I want is for it to be over. So perhaps this face-to-face will finally mark the start of that process. I suppose I'll be finding out soon enough.