As I sit here in my office, I happened to glance over to check today's date. And what do you know... today is our wedding anniversary. And I'm saddened. Not saddened at the thought of the "us" thing. Rather, I'm saddened that this day, which was once a day of celebration, a sort of private holiday, is now nothing more than a reminder of a period of my life that didn't end very well. Sad.Each year is represented by some particular material or another and I, being a traditionalist, would always work very hard to find something made with that material. This being our ninth anniversary, the gift would have been pottery. And I can think of a load of things that would fit the bill quite nicely. She loves gardening, loves decorative pottery, loves artistic ceramics in general. This year would have been easy to find the perfect gift. But alas... there was no gift shopping, no picking out of the right card. This year there would be no looking forward to her creating some culinary delight to share as she did every year, no going away to celebrate with a weekend of romance, no champagne.
Nothing... zip... zilch... zero... nada. Sad.
This is my second failed marriage. And as with my first, I will always remember my anniversary. And just like with the first, this day will forever be one that represents yet another collapse. An end to something that started out good. There's a hole in my heart for which there is no available repair. That hole will be there forever... right next to the first one.
lIFE IS A JOURNEY NOT A DESTINATION. WE HAVE TO FALL TO GET UP AGAIN, THERE ARE LESSONS TO LEARN AND Decitions TO MAKE BUT AS A WHOLE, LIFE IS WONDERFULll IF WE LOOK AROUND to THE MARVELS OF NATURE. tHE decisions WE as HUMANs MAKE SOMETIMES ARE SO WRONG BUT THERE IS ALWAYS THE GOOD PART OF IT, WE LEARN, WE ACHE, WE WANT, WE HOPE, NO WARRANTIES, NO SECURITY. It is life and we are the ones that make it that way. The human spirit is so strong and so compley and as long as you keep a good atttitude it will be fine. We hurt to appreciate the good times, we hurt to differentiated the good and the bad. There are so may stories about people hurting and things going out of control. But life is a journey not a destination.
ReplyDeleteBe happy for today, forget about yesterday the past is already gone, not dwell on it.
Dear Annonymous,
ReplyDeleteYours is a thought clearly seeded in something deep. And while I won't pretend to completely understand what you say, I'd like very much to be able to and to adopt it as my own. Life i a journey.. this is true. Which at times violates my own view on things. SO clearly this is a learning opportunity for me. Thank you.
Karl
Rembering your anniversary, in your case both of them, IMHO only shows you to be a man with a heart. From reading through your many posts it's obvious that you care deeply for your wives and also for the marriages themselves. I honestly believe if my ex husband had your phylosophies, we'd still be married. Take some pride in the way you feel... it shows that you place importance in marriage and we don't see that to much these days.
ReplyDeleteLife will get better... I promise.