All moved in

Well… it’s done. After a long day I’m all moved in to my new place. I’m sitting here in my living room, sipping on a nice Merlot, listening to some Grant Geisman acoustic guitar, and typing. This will be my first official day living here. Though I did spend the night here a few days ago (you can read about that here). Clearly this marks the beginning of what all my friends are calling a new chapter to my life. Though I really must be honest, it doesn’t feel like a new beginning. Rather it feels like the end of something. This…. This is the consolation.

After a day of moving I loaded the final bits into my car while my wife simply sat on the couch and waited for me to finish. When I did I announced that I was done and ready to leave. She just sat there. I asked her for a hug and then said “see ya.” I don’t know when I did this, but I made the decision that I would not let her see me cry any more. And I managed to hold it together really well. Though that hug served as a difficult test of my resolve. But I was strong and unmoved. At least until I got into my car and drove away. And it hit me like a freight train! I had to actually pull off the road and there I sat, sobbing (again) like a twelve year old girl. Incidentally, I am growing really tired of crying over this all the time. I don’t have the energy for it anymore.

So here I am, sipping on a Merlot and banging away at the computer. And I am trying desperately to see the good in this. To see this as a new beginning, a new chapter, the start of an adventure. And whatever other cliché you can give it. Maybe tomorrow I’ll see it. Right now all I can think about is whether I’ll be able to sleep.