I had a conversation with a friend recently who had expressed envy toward another for whom he has very little respect, and how that person has achieved a heightened level of professional success. And with it, very big financial reward. It was as though the absence of professional success and its riches have somehow made my friend "less than."
This got me thinking about how I define the term "success." I believe it has nothing to do with a person's bank account. Money is nothing more than the power to purchase. My measure of success is found in two very simple things; How many, and at what depth I am able to touch the hearts of others. And how many and at what depth others touch mine. This change... I know it is seeded in the ability to touch the heart. Of that I am certain. In what capacity or level of granularity however, remains to be discovered. Further, I have no idea whether this can be attributed to my marital break-up or if attribution goes elsewhere. All I know is I feel that I am on the brink of a profound transformation. What I do not know is if this is real, if it will sustain, or if I am simply feeling something that will pass in much the same way as the tears that come and go.
A guide... an instructional booklet... someone to take my hand and lead me through the maze... Any of these things would be helpful in my quest to reconcile this revelation that has dominated my mind and my heart for several days now. Yet I suspect there is no guide nor mentor. Instead this is something through which I must travel alone, and my hope is when I emerge from it, I'll have clarity and will then understand what I'm supposed to do with it.
Karl,
ReplyDeleteTwo points; First, using your words, the depth at which you have touched my heart is really REALLY deep. You have let me know that my tears and heart ache are okay and that I'll get through it. I actually believe your words, the way you write are at the top of the list of the things that continue to help me through what has turned out to be the most difficult time in my life.
Second, this thing, IMHO, is that you are here to help others in the pain of their hearts. You posted something a while ago about a conversation you had with your first wife... remember? The one where she said you have a purpose in life to help others with a heavy heart? I think that's what you are destined to do for alot of people. And I promise, if you ever decide to start speaking on this topic, or any other heart ache topic, I will be there to listen to everything yo have to say.
J
I agree. Mine is also a very painful separation from a 28 yer marriage to a man I thought would be with me for ever. I've read every post here and on your column on that other website (I can't remember the name off-hand). Both have touched my heart and at times brought me to tears. If nothing else, Karl, you have let me know that men with a good heart still exist. I almost want to meet you just to sit and talk. I have a feeling that just being around you will be a huge help to me too. thank you for all your words and please don't stop.
ReplyDeleteI'd leave my name but I'm just too embarassed to let anyone know... for now.
@ Aonon #1 (J)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words. I wish I could convey just how wonderful it is that I have been able to help even one person. This is a club I wish none os us joined. But now that we're here I suppose we can either make the best of it or the worst of it. I'm thrilled to know I'm helping with the former.
@ Anon#2
Thank you too. But I am more interested in the fact that you are too embarrassed to identify yourself. Please don't be. We are in this together and if you have reason to be embarrassed, then we all do. If you want, please feel free to reach out to me privately. You can use the email link at the top-right of the page. If not... that's okay too. But just remember... you are not alone.
Karl