Feeling guilty that I'm not feeling badly

I realize that I find it rather easy to write about that which brings about extreme emotional reaction. The things that hurt, break my heart, make me cry, or just leave me feeling sad or lonely. When things are doing well, I am hard pressed to figure out what to write or how to do so.

Today is one such day. More precisely stated, this past week has been such a week. For the past seven days my life has been, for lack of a better term, ordinary. I've been working, enjoying my hobbies, spending time with my lady friend, and just cruising through my days like I haven't a care in the world. Even the occasional work-related challenge doesn't impact my delicate sensibilities.

I am however, grappling with tremendous guilt. Guilty that I am not feeling badly. There is a small part of me that believes I SHOULD be upset, sad, lonely, angry, bitter etc. with respect to my split from my wife. But I don't feel any of those things. Truth be told, when it comes to my marital end, I am indifferent. I neither feel bad nor good about it. I simply feel guilty about my indifference. If that makes any sense at all.

The one thing that stands out though, is I have volunteered to be on a call-list for our divorce support group and have made myself available for anyone who simply needs to talk. I remember when I started down this road, I desperately needed someone to talk to, to lean on, even scream at. Someone who understood what I was going through. So now that I have reached this point in the emotional process I am happy to help others get here too. Why have I done this? Simple... because when one helps others, he helps himself. I honestly believe in that. The simple act of providing a shoulder, or an ear, or some friendly counsel, brings it to myself as well. And while I may not be feeling badly at the moment, I know that I am not out of the woods yet. Knowing myself, I am all too aware that it takes very little to catapult me back into the emotional mess I was in at the start of this journey. I'm at least aware enough to know that.

So that's all I have for today. Who knows, maybe I'll get a call or email from my X-2-B and tomorrow I'll br writing about my re-wounded heart.