Money matters

I knew it’d have to start eventually. And indeed it has… with a vengeance! Without getting into the nitty-gritty details of it all I’ll say this; my future ex is looking out for herself. You have to respect that. She doesn’t want to walk away from this feeling as though she has gotten the fuzzy end of the stick. But what need also be recognized is that my efforts and focus are exactly the same. Except of course, I’m looking out for me.

There is a fundamental difference however, in terms of our respective reactions to it. We have both stated our positions on certain things. Each of us has valid argument that supports our respective positions. Any outsider can look at this and lean to one side or the other and never be wrong. It’s simply what happens. In this case however, while I have this recognition and am therefore just fine with going through the negotiations, she is angry. And her anger has manifested itself in bitter attacks and lashing out in a variety of ways.

The lashing out thusly, slices directly into my heart quite effectively! Words are powerful and she, of all people, knows exactly which to use to draw from me a litany of painful emotion. And it’s working… she has succeeded in causing me great distress and it hurts. It doesn’t really matter exactly what was said. What does matter is with this, I must summon every ounce of my will not to reply in kind. The rational mind knows that it’s always best to take the high road and not strike back. However when she is so able to squeeze my heart until it aches, my emotional reflexes cajole me to swing back with great intent. It’s only started and I already am finding it a great challenge to resist issuing my own barrage of hurtful remarks.

I remind myself of a lesson taught to my children when they were younger. Simply put, when a disagreement descends into violence, whether verbal or physical, what this demonstrates is the inability of the attacker, to pose credible argument that supports his or her position. Which means the moment one’s efforts turn toward causing pain that person has already lost. I know this both from observing example of it n the past and from my own hatful attacks. Which is to say I have been equally guilty of such behavior in the past. Today however, my aim is that we both walk away from this without having caused emotional trauma. Or at least to have it minimized as much as possible.