Because you asked

I have to admit to a couple things here. First, I’m just a tad surprised and humbled by the number of people who reach out to me in the spirit of discovering how things have been. Secondly, I find it remarkable how, after so long, that my life can continue to evolve and change where one day to the next, I really don’t know what to expect. Life post-divorce is weird but when I consider what I’ve gained, I wouldn’t trade it away.

As you may recall, my divorce was finalized in January of this year. And in the wake of that process I did in fact walk away with all conditions exactly as I wanted. This however, is not to say I am unscathed.  Even the best of divorces come with tremendous loss… no one walks away a winner.

So where am I now? Well I’m still in the same little rental I moved into when we initially separated. I’m still working at the same job. I’m still learning new life-skills like how to cook real, honest-to-goodness food.

While I am absolutely certain that my divorce was the right thing for my heart, I still suffer moments of substantial loneliness. Though the frequency and duration of those moments have diminished measurably. I’ve discovered that I tend to fall for women who aren’t available. But if it weren’t for the friends I’ve made along the way I would have most certainly crumbled. Certainly.  So my important peeps are something for which I am very grateful. And the lessons I continue to learn from them are valuable indeed…

• The truest measure of success is the depth and caliber of your relationships.
• People come into your life for one of two reasons; either they need to teach you something, or need to learn something from you.
• Love and hate go hand-in-hand but indifference is the antithesis of love.
• It’s okay to feel bad for a friend who’s in a bad way, but it’s not ok to make their problems yours.
• We teach people exactly how they should treat us... And the do…
• Life and more importantly, living, is a work-in-progress.
• Vulnerability is the birthplace of shame… but also at the core of joy, excitement, and human connection… love.
• New socks feel wonderful.

 Be kind and respectful to yourself...

What a wild ride

I haven’t posted anything here since July of last year. On that “final” post I mentioned that every time I’d sit and start writing, instead of a catharsis, it served only to revive the “ouch” of my separation, divorce, and attempts at redefining my life. But owing to some strong urgings from a few people who have taken the time to reach out to me, I am here, writing an update to what’s been happening.

It’s been a wild ride!

First and foremost… my divorce is final! Finally! I am now officially a single man! While the process took a lot out of me, I’m happy to report my circumstances aren’t as bleak as they could have been. I actually managed to walk away with everything exactly the way I wanted. Rare in the world of divorce, and I count myself extremely lucky to still have my ass! Although that’s pretty much all I have. Note here that I do not consider the dissolve of a marriage as something to celebrate. Rather, the conclusion of a painful process is the thing over which to rejoice. My ex is a wonderful lady and at the end of the day, after getting past the heartache and at times mean-spirited mechanics of the process, I wish her only success and happiness in its truest form for her future. Whatever that means to her.

Next. I’ve made mention numerous times in this blog about a certain lady with whom I was involved, a wonderful lady who captured my heart. I’m sad to report that she and I are no longer together. And while that brought with it its own heartache, I have to actually thank her. I’m not certain if she realizes it but she helped me in immeasurable ways, to live through what is likely to have been a debilitating exercise. It’s no secret that I am a highly heart-driven, emotional man and that my divorce was at times heart wrenching and paralyzing. She taught me that I am worthy of love, that I am still capable of loving, that I’m not as “unmarketable” as I had originally thought. It certainly goes much deeper than this but suffice it to say, she helped me and taught me so much that I doubt I can ever repay her for the wonderful gifts she gave me.

So just in case she is reading this… THANK YOU!

Friends. I guess if there were any “good” thing that came from my divorce, it would have to be the friends I have made along the way. You all know who you are. I honestly believe my life has been enriched simply by my knowing you. It’s sort of sad to know that it took something like the death of my marriage to establish these wonderful relationships. But I’m ever-so-happy I did.

Finally I have put myself “out there.” I am in pursuit of one of those long-lasting, emotionally meaningful relationships (whatever the hell that means). The difference however is that I am doing it in the traditional sense. You know… boy meets girl… boy asks girl out… girl accepts… boy asks for second date… etc etc etc. It’s a rather new paradigm for me and while it’s at times a little intimidating and I occasionally feel like an awkward child, it’s also very cool! I’ve had a handful of dates with a rather nice lady who has interests that are very similar to mine and is likely one of the easiest ladies with whom to share thoughts, impressions, and ideas. I met her kids over the weekend and while it didn’t seem to be an earth-moving event for her, it was for me, a tremendously profound and impacting event. It was in fact HUGE! To be introduced to a person’s “important people” is a milestone by which I measure the way a person views me. And those who know me know that it means more than can be described. Okay… reality-check. We’ve only had a few nice dates and while I view her as a very cool lady, there really is no way to tell if this will be a lasting and meaningful relationship or not. All I know right now, is that I’d like to find out.

So… there it is… my update… I guess the simple take-away message here is that there is in fact an end to the pain and torment we all experience in this crappy divorce thing. And emerging from the muck we can in fact, do so as stronger and more balanced human beings, capable of enjoying all the wonderful things that life has to offer. How cool is that?
God Bless you all!